The Golf Lesson I Never Forgot

When I was 13 years old, my dad asked me a simple question:

“Would you be interested in taking some golf lessons?”

I remember being excited about the idea.

I had started playing golf when I was about nine. It all began at a garage sale where we found a junior set of golf clubs. I was hooked.

By the time I was 11, I was a pretty good golfer for my age. I was completely self-taught, and I had developed my own swing and way of playing. I could drive the ball around 250 yards, and I had even reached my first par 5 in two shots.

So when my dad suggested lessons, I wasn't looking for someone to teach me how to play golf from scratch. I wanted to take what I already knew and make it better. I wanted to discover what else I could do.

I thought a coach would watch me play, understand what I was already doing well, and then help me build on it.

That isn't quite what happened.

The Problem With Being Taught How You "Should" Do Something

When I started my first lesson, the instructor didn't seem particularly interested in watching how I naturally swung the club.

Instead, he immediately began trying to change my swing into the way he believed I should swing.

I was frustrated.

Not because I didn't want to improve. I did.

Not because I was unwilling to learn something new. I wasn't.

The problem was that I didn't feel like the instructor was trying to understand me before trying to change me.

I had come to the lesson with skills, experience, instincts, and something that was already working. I wanted help making those things better.

Instead, I felt like I was being given someone else's answer.

That experience stayed with me.

Years Later, I See the Lesson Differently

At 13, I didn't have the language to explain why that experience bothered me so much.

Today, as a life coach, I think I understand it much better.

It's one of the reasons I love coaching.

Life coaching isn't about taking someone who is struggling and turning them into the person the coach thinks they should be.

It's not about assuming the coach has all the answers.

And it isn't about replacing a person's instincts, experiences, values, strengths, or perspective with the coach's way of doing things.

Instead, coaching is a partnership.

The International Coaching Federation describes coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that helps them recognize and maximize their personal and professional potential.

That idea resonates deeply with me.

Because you already bring something to the table.

You bring your experiences.

Your strengths.

Your values.

Your knowledge.

Your instincts.

Your perspective.

And even the things you may currently see as weaknesses can contain information about what matters to you and where you want to grow.

My job isn't to tell you who you should become.

My job is to help you explore who you are, where you want to go, and what might be possible from where you are today.

You Don't Need Someone Else's Swing

Think about that golf lesson.

What if, instead of immediately changing my swing, the instructor had first watched me play?

What if he had asked questions?

What if he had noticed what was already working?

What if he had helped me understand why certain things worked for me and then challenged me to experiment with something new?

Maybe my swing would have changed.

Maybe it wouldn't have.

But if it did, it would have been a change that I understood and chose—not simply a change imposed on me because someone else believed there was a better way.

That's an important distinction in coaching.

Coaching can create change. Sometimes profound change.

But the goal isn't for the coach to create a client in the coach's image.

The goal is to help the client discover their own possibilities and make their own choices.

What I Learned at 13

Looking back, I realize that golf lesson taught me something about coaching long before I ever became a coach.

People don't necessarily need someone to give them all the answers.

Sometimes they need someone who is willing to slow down, listen, ask the right questions, notice what is already there, and help them see possibilities they couldn't see on their own.

That's the kind of coach I want to be.

I don't have all the answers to your particular situation—and I don't believe I should.

You are the expert on your life.

What I do have are tools, skills, curiosity, and a willingness to partner with you as you explore what comes next.

Together, we can look at what you're bringing with you, identify what is already working, explore what's getting in the way, and discover new ways forward.

You don't have to become someone else to move forward.

You don't have to throw away everything you've learned.

And you don't necessarily need a completely new swing.

Sometimes, you need someone to help you discover what your swing can become.

That's the kind of coaching I want to bring to every conversation.

Take everything you are. Add new awareness, new possibilities, and new skills. Then discover what you are capable of doing with them.

Galatians 2:10a…”For we are his workmanship”